Monday, July 16, 2012

Sailing on the Rough Sea of Cyberspace Dating

It has been one year since I have posted on this site.  I was going to delete the blog altogether, but find it is an avenue by which I can vent my dating frustrations, and hopefully, a place where other single women my age can come to vent, as well. 

We single fifty-something women are sailing on the turbulent seas of cyberspace dating.  These waters are unpredictable; they strengthen in might with each divorce occuring of our peers, which is many. The waters toss us about and we no longer have a sense of direction.  We are being replaced by younger models, leaving us open primarily to retired men who also would like younger models (fifty-something women).  The problem is many of us don't feel we relate well to men in their mid 60's to 70's. Why?  Because we are still working, raising adult children, and not of retirement age just yet.

Cyberspace dating is NOT fun.  Most of us have met scammers--men who want to use us because they are unable (or unwilling) to support themselves financially.  Their goal is simple--meet an unsuspecting female who has managed to put away a little money into a bank account, groom her with flowers, sweet talk and affection, and then swoop in for the kill after she has gained trust.  These men have no sense of shame and will take a woman for all she's got and then move onto the next victim.  This is how they earn an "income".  They are low life thieves.  Internet dating is FILLED with these types of men.

That being said, for any man out there reading this who is trying to find someone via the internet, I have heard you have the same problem with scamming women, who use sex as their weapon of choice to lure you.  You are flattered when these gorgeous young women tell you they are interested in you and will do anything your heart desires, and so the bait is set.  You take the hook and before you know it, a few months down the line, and your bank account is empty, and you are left feeling a fool.  You are just one in a million who feel this way.

We have all heard the saying, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."  Yet we want to believe people have good intentions, and afterall, we know we're a good catch so they should know it, too, right?
Wrong.  I'll make room for you in the boat.  Come sail away with the rest of us.  Maybe one day the seas will calm down.  If not, it's okay, you're not alone.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Happy Being Single?

Today someone asked me if I was happy being single.  I thought about it, and realized I am happy most of the time and do not miss being married.  I have a lot of friends, a good job, my children who live fairly close, an adorable grandson and another grandson on the way.  I have good health and my life is free of drama and chaos.  I lead a simple life and that is the way I prefer it.

All that said I must admit I do have periods of loneliness and miss being married or at least in a relationship.  I remember a few months back I came down with a terrible stomach virus.  I had chills, fever, and vomiting.  My kitchen is downstairs, so in order for me to get anything I had to go down, then climb the stairs back up to my bedroom.  I remember being breathless and my heart pounding in my ears by the time I reached the top of the stairs.  I was very weak, had not been able to keep food down, and I was alone.  It wasn't long until I became depressed on top of being sick.  During this period of sickness, I wished I was married again.  At least I would have someone to care for me when it was hard to care for myself.

And there are other times I miss having someone special in my life.  I look at my friends pictures on Facebook; a couple kissing or hugging, a romantic vacation cruise together, adoring posts on one another's page, and then I reminicise of  the fun times I had with my spouse, and suddenly a longing for those days fills my heart.

We all have a tendency to look at our pasts with rose colored glasses, and as we know, the reality is that we divorced for good reason.  We tend to forget the pain we endured that led us to divorce in the first place.  The fights, mistrust, anxiety, drama, buckets of tears, sleepless nights, etc., that had us riding the emotional roller coaster of agony. Not to mention the divorce itself, and the financial losses, selling of the house, splitting this and that, custody of the children and all that horrible stuff.

It is all about perspective, isn't it?  How we view our single lives in comparison with the miserable realtionship we couldn't wait to get out of can jolt us back into reality and make us thankful to be single.  That is, unless you didn't want the divorce in the first place because everything that was happening was happening without your knowledge, so the divorce came unexpectedly and hit you like a ton of bricks.  This is the most unfortunate scenario of all, in my opinion.  Never-the-less, the memory of the pain endured from a mutual divorce or a an unexpected divorce is likely ten times worse than the life you live now as a single person.

I have been divorced for 3.5 years.  I have met several men from various dating sites but not one man that I would give up my single life for.  That tells me something.  I guess being single for me is much preferred over being with the wrong man and risking another divorce.  I never ever want to go through that again.

It is so easy to get caught up with the hype of "being a couple."  After all, our socieity glamorizes relationships. When we were little girls we fantasized about being a wife, having children, and the house with the white picket fence in small town suburbia. Unfortunately over 50% of marriages do not turn out that way in America.  The "Leave it to Beaver" days are over--what a reality check.

I have noticed more and more young people are putting off getting married.  Most live together and have children and then "test the waters" before deciding to marry. No longer does society say that a pregnant girl has to marry the boy who got her pregnant. Why is this?  I personally believe couples are thinking twice about getting married due to fear of a future divorce.  A very large percentage of our children are being raised in blended families with step-siblings.  Additionally, many are being raised by mom, dad, or a close relative.  These children have experienced the pain of divorce and have gone through their own private hell.   They are more cautious, and who can really blame them?  Not only have their parents divorced, but how many actors stay married past 5 years?  Our children have had lousy role models so they are really living what they have learned.

Back to my original question.  Am I happy being single?  The answer is yes, most of the time.  Is single life better than the marriage that made me single?  YES!  Will I ever get married again?  The future is in God's hands, but one thing I know for sure is that I will not rush into anything, and I can be content with what I have for the time being.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Pondering My Golden Years

I was thinking about the TV show "The Golden Girls" one night and how fulfilling their lives seemed to be. They really had it going on!  They seemed to have the right idea about overcoming loneliness in their senior years. They shared everything---the maintenance of the house, cost of food, etc, which enabled them to have money left to travel, go to dinner, movies, and just whatever they wanted to do.   Each woman had her own bedroom and shared in the cooking and cleaning.  They all did their own laundry, and paid their own personal bills.  When they needed help, they relied on each other.  They were great friends!  They also had their alone time when they just retreated to their bedrooms to read a book or watch TV.  What a great arrangement these ladies had!

The reason I was thinking about The Golden Girls is because I have learned that the single life definitely has advantages!!  Not all older women have to get married.  I really enjoy doing my own thing.  I can cook, or choose not to cook.  I don't have to pick up after anyone except myself.  I can go where I want and stay out all night if I want to.  I can sleep until noon.  I have my own closet, and the whole bed to myself.  I have the remote and watch what I want to watch.  I have many friends, so when I want to do something, I call one and we go out.

I don't think I will ever get married again.  I think having a girlfriend or two to live with me might really be nice when I reach my "golden years."  Perhaps by that time I will be ready to have someone live with me.  Right now I like living alone and calling my own shots.  There is a big difference between living alone and being lonely.  I live alone, and though I have times of loneliness in my life, I do not consider myself a lonely woman. 

 I think I would like being a Golden Girl!


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

If Men are from Mars & Women from Venus, what planet do we meet on?



I have been contemplating this subject.   We all know that women and men are different. We think differently, socialize differently, and seem to enjoy different things in life. So, where do we meet?

We meet online these days and it is not easy to say the least.  Online dating can be tricky, at best.  Who are we REALLY meeting on the other end of the computer screen?  In my experience women have to be very cautious and careful to check out potential interests.  Many men post profiles that are completely ficticious.  As a matter of fact, in my experience there have been FEW who are actually who they claim to be.  Here are the warning signs that you are not talking to a man who is from Mars or Venus, but who may be from Planet B.S.

Likely characteristics of male residents from Planet B.S.:

1.  They are almost always "widowed".
2.  They work in another country.
3.  The profile usually has very few pictures, and most are in sunglasses, very far away or taken from their side profile so you can not see their faces directly.
4.  They always make over $100,000.
5.  They have great bodies, very muscular, and are always younger than you.
6.  Profile descriptions are laden with romantic things they think women want to hear, such as, "I will wake you up each morning with sensual kisses and sweet smelling flowers to compliment your beautiful face.  I am an incurable romantic, and will treat you like the queen you know you are."  The profile is VERY long and meant to make you  think this is the King you can't live without!
7.  They hold Masters or Doctorate degrees.
8.  They do not have children.
9.  They know that animals are chick magnets so you may see a picture of them with a cute furry dog or cat sitting in their lap.
10.  They claim that they hate "liars" in an effort to convince you they are not one.

I have been on SEVERAL dating sites and they are saturated with scammers from Planet B.S. The free ones are the worst!!  Sometimes I have run across sites where the man will have the same picture but several different B.S. profiles.

So, what's a gal to do these days to meet someone?  I dunno!  What has been your experience with online dating?  Have you met men from Mars or Planet B.S?  If you have met someone nice on Planet Earth, do share, please!!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Second Time Around!!

Where's my blog??
Howdy ladies!  I had a blog called "Single Middle Aged Women Dating Again" and it was accidently deleted about 2 months ago.  I was so upset!  I tried to get it back but was unsuccessful so I had to change my blog's name and start all over again! 

If you are a single middle aged woman this blog is dedicated to you!  This is where you can come to "let it all hang out" and talk to others who are likely going through what you are experiencing in single life.  It ain't always easy, is it?  Relax and express yourself here! We all will learn from each other.   This blog is for you whether you are new to dating, considering dating (or not) or a dating expert.  You are not alone--express yourself!

Welcome to all my single middle aged sisters!!

Blessings,
Yvette